Censoring my BRCA world (or the need to learn how to)
It has become very apparent that I have become somewhat numb to the discussion of my boobs. This is generally not dinner talk conversation but for me…it just roles of the tip of my tongue. I guess it comes with the territory; for the last several years or so I have surrounded myself around knowledgeable people on the subject of BRCA and even showing off ones “foobs” is just no big deal so why would talking about it (or blogging about it) be different?
Yes, I have shown off my new friends to almost all of my female friends who have asked to see them. (sorry boys, my husband would disapprove). Actually, in the BRCA community its pretty customary for someone who is BRCA+ to show someone else the result of their surgery and at conferences there are often rooms where people “show-off” their results. It allows other women to see what such a surgery will look like, what the scars look like….how things progress etc. I have even offered this to my non-BRCA friends….(who have looked at me a little crazy and I know they are thinking, “seriously, you want to show me your boob?” but they all want to see them lol, =) One of my dear friends told me they did look like the cupcakes my husband gave to me prior to surgery which I thought was hysterical….so….in terms of censoring this BRCA world from myself and from everyone else, I have done a poor job.
Finding a boundary:
Today I touched base with a prior colleague of mine who was not aware of the surgery but was aware of my BRCA status. I told them about the surgery and the big question came up:
Do you feel different
Oh God this could have gone in so many different directions but I got off of this call feeling so embarrassed. I have a blog for God sakes. I am more open about my BRCA status than almost anyone I know but when I was asked, “do I feel different” I said so many different things. So, why not blog about since I am already embarrassed about it for some odd reason right?
Yes, I feel different
The big question.
Physically, I do feel different. Things are shaped differently, they feel differently. They LOOK differently, and clothes even FIT differently. Here’s a BAD anecdote (but I will use it anyways: it’s like getting a new haircut. It takes getting use to but eventually, you just get use to it. That’s where I am with the physical. But mentally, I’m just less stressed. I have SO much less to worry about and weights are lifted. Now, I wasn’t much of a worrier before but more of a pragmatist so this all just made sense to me.
And now, my life can just keep moving along…
And hopefully, as time moves forward, I will learn to censor who I tell what information to. If not for me, for the sake of the person on the other end of the phone. =)