My current fixation:
With only 36 hours to go, I’m getting nervous. A week ago, I was fine but now I am really nervous. It seriously doesn’t help that Georgetown has been calling me about 5 times a day (literally) but I have been putting all of my nervousness and energy into some pretty strange fixations. The first was on…PILLOWS. I have been told by about a zillion people that I need about a million different types of pillows to help me get comfortable once I am home from the hospital. I received a really long email from a woman who recently had a similar surgery listing wedge pillows and “husband” pillows and things I have just never heard of. I went to Bed Bath and Beyond the other day and just roamed the pillow section, got too stressed out and just left without ANY pillows. I went back this afternoon and almost did the same damn thing. Fortunately, I was able to at least get myself to buy the wedge pillow and if I need something else, which I am sure I will, I will just have to ask someone to run out and get it. Not the end of the world. But now that I have at that the wedge pillow I have moved on to a new fixation….ROBES.
This fixation came from my spending the better part of my morning doing my pre op at the hospital, which consisted of:
- paying a large portion of my bill (yeahhhh they are letting me pay in installments!)
- taking lots and lots of blood
- showing me where to physically go on Wednesday
- going through what meds I can and can’t take on Wednesday
- more general stuff like what to pack etc.
So, when they talked to me about what to pack, they mentioned that I needed to bring a robe and slippers. Now, I am OVERLY prepared in my opinion but for some odd reason it totally slipped my mind that I needed slippers and a robe. I actually live in slipper socks and would LIKE to assume that slipper socks will do but you never know and I don’t actually own real slippers… and the only robe I own is a really old white one with makeup stains all over it so we all know that that will NOT work. According to my dear friend A, (that will have to suffice for privacy reasons) I am milking this whole thing for a new wardrobe but I keep telling her (and Chad of course) that I want to be comfortable. So yes, I have bought two new juicy velour sweat suits, silky pajamas from VS (that is too help me get in and out of bed) and now a really nice robe…but the stress was so not worth the robe. I had to go to the mall during prime Christmas shopping and finding a non-white robe was ridiculously hard (it needed to be white for reasons I will leave off this blog).
I ended up having to go to three different department stores and that was seriously the last thing I wanted to do tonight. At least I found something but I am sure tomorrow there will be some new fixation…or maybe it will be back to pillows.
Oh poor fellow who will be laughing at me over drinks tonight:
I was definitely an advocate for my own health today…and a worried, crazy patient …but I’m allowed. I will play the card, “I’m having major surgery Wednesday so deal with it.
When I was at Georgetown this morning in this pre-op appointment I noticed THREE, not two, but THREE surgeons’ names on my charge reports. Well, for all of you reading this: I researched for YEARS doctors that I wanted to have surgery with and it came down to TWO. I picked and approved TWO SURGEONS: Shawna Willey- breast surgery and Scott Spear- plastic surgery.
While Dr. Spear did say a fellow would assist him with the surgery he guaranteed me HE would be doing 95% of the surgery so to my surprise did I see this third unknown name on this charge report. So, what did I do? I marched my little ass and my (currently) small boobs right over to their office and demanded to meet this new doctor. Neurotic? Maybe. But totally understandable, in my opinion. As I waited, behind the counter actually, I was able to see Dr. Spear which is a huge task, and he once again assured me this was just a formality, but I did get to meet, and shake hands with this mysterious fellow. To my surprise, he looked about 12. I shouldn’t talk because I am told I look quite young myself but I did ask him if he had been in one of these types of surgeries before and he seemed somewhat surprised that I was questioning his credentials. While I wasn’t necessarily questioning them, I was just curious. He did say he was present for one last week, which did make me a little more at ease. So, that’s my crazy, demanding, funny story…for today. I am sure there will be many more to come but bottom line is, I was my own advocate so…young fellow who will probably never ready this (but if you do) feel free to laugh over a drink at my expense. I am still glad I demanded to meet you. I should have met you before today if you ask me and had I met you Wednesday I would have been flipping my shit. Maybe THIS is why I am having crazy fixations on pillows and robes!
Now to the fun stuff: BOOBtastic Brunch!
Months ago I knew I wanted to celebrate this surgery in style. Celebrate you say?! Well, I wanted to at least give a proper farewell to the tata’s, kinda like an “out with the old, in with the new” party. Initially we were going to do a big bash at the house since we love to host a good party, but this all just sprung up on us so fast. So, in honor of the “girls” I had a much more intimate affair with some very close friends of mine this past Sunday. I cannot thank all of you enough for coming and for your continued support. It means so much to me to be able to share this time with everyone and to be able to not only laugh about it but to cry about it also. And what good spirits that guys were as well! And of course my dear husband!!!!! He provided the boob-cupcakes, and he and my friends provided the love and support.
The following photos are from my BOOBtastic brunch. Chad was extremely proud of these cupcakes, made by Red Velvet Cupcakery. Chad can tell the story much better than I can
but when he spoke to the cake decorator, he almost had her rolling on the floor with laughter. The red boobs are the droppy, small boobs that have the breast cancer symbols around them and the “foobs” are the bigger, perfectly round breasts that are cancer free. It was a very cute concept that I never would have thought of on my own. Chad did a fabulous job and the laughter, jokes and smiles were just what I needed days before the surgery. Whoever said laughter was the best medicine was so on the nail.
Sexy BOOBtastic photos
On another blog somewhere out in BRCA land there is a checklist of things to do before a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy. Boob party was on there….and boob photos is there somewhere. So, what the hell right?
Last week I had the honor, and pleasure, to spend some with Amy and Srinu Regeti of Regeti Photography who were able to take some amazing of me to remember what the old girls look, so I will remember years from now long after the surgery. They were the photographers who did my engagement and wedding photos so naturally when I thought I’d want some boob shots I called them immediately.
To be completely honest, when Chad and I were driving to their studio (at 9am might I add) the last thing I was feeling was remotely sexy and somewhat regretting paying for these pictures that I have no idea WHAT I am going to do with but it was one of the BEST THINGS I HAVE EVER DONE! To all the women out there reading this: I think every woman should have a sexy lingerie shoot once in there lives and here is why:
I have honestly never felt so beautiful in my life…not even on my wedding day. I cannot completely explain it and maybe it has a lot to do with my surgery on Wednesday but I have never looked at the female body as art… and I do now. I feel like their photographs of me were total artwork and if I could I would enlarge them and put them all over my house (again, I will not do this as people who came over would probably be totally creep’d out but this is how amazing I feel about them)
Amy and Srinu, thank you so much for being so amazing at what you do, for making me feel so good about myself, and for making me feel so amazing about what I am doing, and capturing me in that moment. I will cherish those photos forever and hope that other BRCA+ women find photographers such as you to do just the same for them.
One last lament:
I really cannot believe my surgery is on Wednesday. I have come so far to get here and with so much support radiating from so many different places. I don’t know what I would have done without it and owe you all so much. For that I really cannot thank you enough. You really don’t know how much a single comment, message, or even a post on Facebook means to me. So many of you have touched my life and given me so much strength.
I will see you all on a much better side of things. A much brighter, hopefully cancer-free side of things. Until then…